No Man's Land
by CharlotteB
Summary: Post Twilight. A man is more than he appears at first, second, or even third glance.


Spoilers: Through 'Twilight'

Disclaimers: I don't own any of the characters, situations or dialogue found in Navy: NCIS. These characters belong to DPB, CBS, Paramount, et al. No copyright infringement is intended. No intent to defame or gain profit from this enterprise is intended.

A/N: Written for the NCIS ficathon over on livejournal. Obviously much more angsty than my usual.

OOOOOOOOOO

Inspirational Quotes:

"I steal the art of putting truth in a lie."–Blue October

"Dark, dark! The horror of darkness, like a shroud, wraps me and bears me through mist and cloud."–Sophocles

OOOOOOOOOO

He lit the small white candle in front of him and noiselessly sat down on the floor in front of it, discarding the wooden match with a spare movement and ignoring the slight smell of sulfur. It was a moonless night. The clouds were so thick that they covered any hint of starlight, disconnecting him from the surrounding world and increasing his sense of isolation. There were no street sounds to distract him from this task. He inhaled and exhaled once, deeply. The warm, stale air cleared his lungs, but not his head. He inhaled and exhaled again, then spoke. In a deep, low voice pitched with memory and regret.

"Yitgadal v'yitkadash sh'mei rabbah,"

_I'm sorry, Caitlin._

"B'almah dee v'rah kheerutay,"

_You had to be sacrificed._

"V' yamleekh malkhutay,b'chahyeykhohn, uv' yohmeykhohn"

_I was born to a Palestinian and an Israeli. I am simultaneously a Mossad agent, an Al Qaeda terrorist, and working with the CIA. I was born into and am surrounded by war. There is no one I can trust. No one who trusts me. _

"Uv'chahyay d'chohl beyt yisrael,"

_I am now high enough in Al Qaeda that I have been put in charge of organizing attacks upon American soil. Some of those missions must succeed or I will be executed and any information I possess will be lost. The CIA "recognizes" this and has accepted it as "the cost of doing business." 382 innocent people have died because of me. 383, now._

"Ba'agalah u'veez'man kareev, v'eemru: Amein."

_I was instructed to design a demonstration of strength that would demoralize American fighting forces by attacking them through their families. I was "allowed" to choose the date, time, and location._

"Y'hey sh'mei rabbah m'varach l'alam u'l'almey almahyah"

_I selected the Naval base at Norfolk. Because I knew it was close to people who were intelligent and dedicated enough to stop the tragedy I had conceived before it occurred._

"Yeet'barakh, v' yeesh'tabach, v' yeetpa'ar, v' yeetrohmam, v' yeet'nasei"

_I made sure that Gibbs knew I was present, that I was involved in the planned attack. I told him he was a target for assassination. It wasn't my first lie._ _Your death makes it finally time for truth._

"V' yeet'hadar, v' yeet'aleh, v' yeet'halal sh'mey d'kudshah b'reekh hoo"

_I have never been in love. It is too enormous a risk. The fate of love is only to be used against me in a misguided attempt to force me to toe some invisible line. I refuse to put anyone in that danger or allow anyone to put themselves in that danger on my behalf._

"L'eylah meen kohl beerkhatah v'sheeratah,"

_I will never have a family. Never teach sons how to be proper men. Never raise spirited daughters. I have no future. Only death and half truths._

"Toosh'b'chatah v'nechematah, da'ameeran b'al'mah, v'eemru: Amein."

_You were trained to protect, to kill only if absolutely necessary. Gibbs was trained as a Marine. His first instinct is to attack, to hunt. To destroy the enemy. To remove the threat._

"Y'hei shlamah rabbah meen sh'mahyah,v'chahyeem,"

_You made the decision for me, Caitlin. Over a year ago. My first instinct was to protect such a bright and shining light. I was close enough to smell your shampoo. To feel your breath against my cheek. I imagined I could hear your quickened heartbeat. I saw your hand clench tightly around the scalpel you held. You didn't move an inch as you waited for your opportunity. Then it came, and you didn't take it. _

"Aleynu v'al kohl yisrael, v'eemru: Amein."

_When he arrives, Gibbs will ask why I had to kill you. In his hubris, he will assume that I knew it would cause him more anguish to leave him alive, knowing that he was unable to protect you. And it will, eventually. But he will be angry first. In his wrath, he will kill me without considering any repercussions to himself. _

Ari checked the serviceable watch on his wrist, nodded at the time, and blew out the candle. Soon.

"Oseh shalom beem'roh'mahv, hoo ya'aseh shalom,"

_I will finally be free. _

"Aleynu v'al kohl yisrael v'eemru: Amein."

_I sit on the floor of the dark, cold, unfurnished room and wait for my savior._

A/N: The transliterated Hebrew is the text to the Jewish mourning prayer (or Mourner's Kaddish). It is traditionally said by immediate family members for the week immediately following death, then once a week for a year, then every year on the anniversary of that person's death and on certain holidays. Obviously the italics are not part of that text.


End file.
